I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
