That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
