i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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