Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
