If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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