I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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