so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
