i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
