He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
