I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
