I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
