maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
