dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
