i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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