his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
