speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
