Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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