Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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