Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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