Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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