and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
