Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
