Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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