I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
