from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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