i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
