I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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