I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Acid is not a monday night drug
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
