Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry CaptainCourtcob hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.

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(703): View more from Virginia

positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier

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(317): View more from Indiana

my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....

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(317): View more from Indiana

Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Well... this vagina won't eat itself

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina

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(517): View more from Michigan

I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?

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(707): View more from California

I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.

(1-707): View more from California

Put down the everclear and go to bed.

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(678): View more from Georgia

She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.

(1-678): View more from Georgia

Sweet, got a date tomorrow night

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol

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