great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
