I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
