The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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