I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
