This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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