You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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