Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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