is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
