I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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