i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
