I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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