We're facebook friends in real life
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
