i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
