These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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