I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
