he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
