Umm I'm too high to move.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
