New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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