u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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