Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
