Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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